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So, what IS emotional abuse, really?

EMOTIONAL ABUSE ATTEMPTING TO CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON BY:
  • criticizing
  • embarrassing
  • manipulating
  • shaming
  • blaming
  • minimizing
  • discounting
  • dismissing
  • depriving
  • gaslighting

...and denying their rights, needs, wants, thoughts, feelings AND equality.

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UNFORTUNATELY,

many people do not recognize emotional abuse.

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Name-calling
If it's not a name that screams "I love you, you're amazing," maybe take a step back and consider what it DOES scream. Is it a put-down? Is it mean or rude under the guise of being funny or cute? Is it straight-up embarrassing? Does it hurt your feelings? Disrepectful. Demeaning. And definitely not OK.
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Telling you how you feel and what you think (gaslighting)
Are they in your head and body? If they aren't, they cannot tell you how you feel, or what you think. They will try, and they will cause you to start second-guessing yourself until YOU don't know how you feel and what you think!
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Overtalking and not listening
If you can't get a word in edgewise, and thus can never express yourself, your person does not value you enough to listen. Are your feelings not heard or cared for? That's another big red flag. You deserve to be valued in your relationships. And there needs to be equality.
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Love-Bombing
"I've never met anyone as incredible as you," they say, on your first date. "Let's get married and have a houseful of kids," they offer after a week of chatting online. The whole purpose of love-bombing is to suck you in to a vortex of untruth by appealing to your vulnerabilities, and exploiting them.
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Infantilizing and belittling
Are you treated like a child? As though you are incapable of doing things yourself? Do they put down your ideas or feelings with a "there, there, I'll take care of it," attitude? Or talk down to you as though you can't understand grown-up language? Ugh. Enough already,.
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Smirks & the Silent Treatment
Are you left hanging after a conflict? They just walk away without a word, and don't talk to you for weeks even when you're in the same room? Or do they look at you with "that look" that says all the horrible things they are thinking, and expresses their contempt for you?
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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
...provides URGENT & ONGOING CARE FOR RELATIONSHIPS IN CRISIS

Even the United States Marines have called on her for help!

Dr. Shaler particularly helps the partners, exes, and adult children of the relentlessly difficult, toxic people she calls Hijackals® to save their sanity and stop the crazy-making. She defines Hijackals as “people who hijack relationships–for their own purposes–while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control.”

Rhoberta offers the insights, strategies, and support you need to reclaim hope, confidence–and your sanity–when dealing with the constant uncertainty and jaw-dropping behaviors of Hijackals in your life, at home and at work.

Learn more or book a 1-hour Introductory Session for just $97

How did you get here?

It’s difficult to admit–to yourself and to others –that you are being emotionally abused.

Putting up with it often seems like a less embarrasing alternative to acknowledging that we're being treated poorly.

Perhaps, you had a difficult childhood - it's what's familiar and feels like the "love" you received growing up. NO! It isn’t. It’s abuse.

Maybe, you are sufficiently trauma-bonded to even have sympathy for your abuser. That’s a big red flag that you need to see the emotional abuse for what it is, and take steps to stop tolerating it.

It also can be difficult to redefine the parent or partner who is perpetrating the emotional abuse as abusive. You don’t want to think of them that way, or you care more about their reputation than your own emotional safety.

I know those are tough words to hear.

Emotional abuse becomes a way of life that you manage within, all the while trying to do everything the abuser wants.

You think that will make them happy, secure, stable, and kind. It won’t. Emotional abusers are seldom interested in changing themselves because they have a NEED to control. (Sorry. The most likely change is that they get worse.)

Recognize the many sneaky and obvious ways that you may being emotionally abused. On my Save Your Sanity podcast and my YouTube channel, there’s so much for you. I hope you’ll listen, watch, recognize, and know that NO ONE has the right to abuse you. 

I’m here to help you gain insights, skills, and strategies to help you say NO! to further emotional abuse. Please start today. You deserve to live without abuse!

You can break the bonds of emotional abuse. You deserve to live free of that burden and weight.

I have created 100s of videos and podcast episodes all about emotional abuse and the different ways it shows up... and what you can do about it, to reclaim your power and rebuild your life.

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feeling like it's time to make some changes but not sure what or how?

Start with a full 1-hour introductory session with Dr. Shaler for just $97, and talk through your situation to figure out what best next steps might be for you. It's a great way to find out if you ARE ready, or what you need to do to BE ready. Ask her your questions.

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Simply want to talk with other folks who are where you are, or have been?

Join my Emerging Empowered™ online community and connect with others who are facing similar challenges, who can relate and understand... and validate what you're feeling and thinking. Just $47/m or less, and includes three live group Zoom calls with me each month.

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Testimonials

From clients, listeners & members

Wow! This episode [on facial coding] helped me paint the entire picture that I’ve had a hard time trying to put my finger on all these years... I’ve been listening now since June and your messages have helped me so very much!
Podcast listener
Thanks to you, I saw a pattern and realized I was being manipulated. After a very abusive day yesterday I ended the relationship. Thank you for the strength my friend.
Past client
Came across this podcast while going through a very emotional and confusing time, and it’s been super helpful in highlighting lots of things that got overshadowed by past trauma that I couldn’t see clearly. It really feels like someone understands and can guide you to see more transparently and get through the difficult time in a toxic relationship. So thank you!
Podcast listener
Thank you Dr Shaler and may i just say, thank you for your work and your writings. You may have no idea just how much of a lifeline i have been thrown just by finding you and now your group.
Online community member
This content has helped me tremendously. I now have tools to recognize and name the tactics being thrown at me and I have become much more empowered to stand in my truth and to stand up for myself. Highly recommend subscribing to all content - a cost effective alternative to (and/or supplementation to) therapy. Thank you Dr. Shaler!
Podcast listener
I credit all your sound advice for my finally understanding and getting out of the most abusive relationship I’d been in.
Youtube subscriber